You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
