I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
