Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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