new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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