Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
