I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
