i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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