I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
