I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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