I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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