Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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