He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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