peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
