i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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