if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
