Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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