I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You made out with two different species that night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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