i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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