he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
