Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
