i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
