The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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