We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
