Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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