Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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