I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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