she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
