just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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