I just cut my nipple shaving
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
