i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
