I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
