Im at strip club and am horny
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
