he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just pee around me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
do nipples grow back?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
