I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
