I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
