Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
