it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
