I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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