don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
