i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
