everyone is single if you try hard enough
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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