Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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