I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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