Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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