Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
