I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
