Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
