halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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