So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
