You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
from now on my penis is your penis
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
