At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
