i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
