I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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