apparently the secret to your success is patron
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
